Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, Oct 4, 1865

Cushman has been feeling physically weaker and her disappointment in various people has added to her suffering. Especially Emma Stebbins' infidelity has affected her and only Emma Cushman's love has "[kept her] above drowning."
Upon her arrival in London, Cushman had much to attend to. She will stop in Folkestone to see a friend but will arrive in Paris just in time for the baby's birthday on Sunday.
Cushman has finalized the plan for sending the horses to Italy and informs Emma of the itinerary.

Credit

[837] Dearest & best of daughters & lovers. Your two letters of the 2^d & 3^d reached me together about half an hour since. I thank you from my heart for all which they convey to me of +++ of information to Every Thing!! nobody in all this world loves me as you do. & when time should have reconciled me to the changes — which circumstances have brought in the routine +++ one habit or custom of very less [?] for the last 8 years. I shall be all that your prayers would have me be. Bless you darling. your prayer's [sic] have helped me. I am better though circumstances are more & more trying to my patience & my temper. neither of w^h [which] being the best at any time. have been tried to the very uttermost bounds. during

[837 added vertically] I will bring you the corsets for baby. God bless him forever & ever to be a comfort to me
I kiss you & love you. My own darling +++ & am ever fondly devotedly your auntie Ladie.
Grand ma [sic] & uncle Charles send dear love to you — my poor darling with no parlour +++ & her guests. Darling I should much like the apartment I had when last in Paris. in the month of June. will you look in the +++ to see which they were — they +++ +++ better than this +++
God bless you —
I want a light mauve. full dress & a bonnet [?] for winter 

[837 reverse] this miserable summer. My own health has had [inserted]. I am free to confess, much to do with it. I have been weaker physically. & hence less able to cope with a heart trouble. My disappointment in people. in various directions —has mortified & wounded me to the quick. on the top of all this. coming my first disappointment in the fidelity of Aunt Em. I have been very nearly broken to bits. only the love of my darling daughter & friend to keep me above drowning! But prayers. do avail. my prayers have never been so earnest. my need has never been greater. & help will come. Time only as the healer! — On my arrival in town on Monday night. after a sweet week in Wales. I found lots of things to attend to. First & foremost. Horses & man. Then architects & surveyors for my house in Bollon [?] Row. Then a two hours sitting with your grandmother at the Dentists [sic]. I was on my feet in the city & at Kings [sic] Cross. from 1 o'clock until 6 1/2 when

[838] I got back here [?] to dinner! (I am suffering so much with my hands & feet. That I hardly know how to contain myself — & often find myself with the tears running down my chest from pain!) — This morning — I have been writing notes & letters. & now have to send off this little unworthy note to you. my darling. to tell you that I have felt obliged to stop at Folkestone on my way over to Paris. to see poor dear Mrs James — (of upper terrace Lodge. Miss Coates [sic] friend) who met [?] with a most terrible accident on the steamer going across to Boulogne. about six weeks ago — Broke her leg. & has been laid up in Boulogne & now in Folkestone. & is so very anxious to see us. That we have consented to remain over. but we shall come by the next days [sic] tidal train. leaving Folkestone. if the weather is not awful. on Sunday 12:40. & arriving at Paris. 3:15. — I am very sorry for the detention — but so that I get to Paris in time to be with my darlings on the birth day of sweetest dearest Babs. & still be in time

[838 reverse] to commence my shopping. which is not much. on the Monday morning! I am so glad to hear that your dresses are so lovely that you made them. or conceived them at yourself. this is always a satisfaction Thank you dear for seeing Mrs King — all right! About the horses. I have arranged. They will be in Paris on the Sunday night. & go on to Marseilles & I have arranged about the forwarding &^c &^c after much tribulation.— I hope to get every thing done. in Paris so as to leave on Saturday 14^th. going to Macons [?] the first day. & to Turin the next. & Bologna. the next — & to Florence on the 17" or 18" — There we shall stay for a few days of rest. while I send Sallie on to Rome to make ready for us — Ned will have to do everything he can to get permission for the horses to be out of quarantine. They will leave Marseilles on the 12" & be in Civita Vecchia on Sunday Morning 15". He must move Heaven & Earth to have them landed. I suppose he ought to +++ on Cardinal Antonelli. immediately on his arrival officially. but tell him Brown will set him right in that matter & he must ask —

[839] you must look in the Rue de Bac for cheap silks. & find me a place to buy a very beautiful. pale lavender. For a full dress. for the winter.