Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, Sep 29, 1865

Cushman has been anxious about the delivery of Ms. Jane's laces. She has been enjoying her peaceful stay in Wales, away from the noise of the city, and praises Miss Lloyd's efforts as a hostess. Sally has already left to attend to matters in London.
Cushman is in a nervous and irritable state and hopes to be reunited with Emma soon. She extends Emma some parenting advice and suggests hiring one of Cushman's current maids to aid her.

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[835] All your letters have reached me. darling daughter mine. Even the little note sent to tfhe "Nook" which they have forwarded. I was very anxious. but you will have heard by my letter of the 26". hast though [sic] it was. that I had at last been relieved in my mind about you. Yesterday brought me your letter of the 26". with Miss Jane's [?] enclosure. I sincerely hope that nothing may have happened to her laces. & that Mrs Lander [Louisa Lander?] may have been more prompt & particular with the delivery of them than she was about your silk coat. I confess that experience gave me rather a pang of anxiety [last two words inserted] about Miss Janes [sic] laces. I hope you may hear of their safety now very soon — & as your father has had time to hear of the receipt of my will [?]; & Miss Stebbins has heard of the receipt of his her brothers [sic] [last two words inserted] dressing case (which by the bye. Miss Church could not get passed for of duty or rather, did not) I hope sincerely that you may soon hear of the receipt of the laces. It was a very +++ thing to do. to entrust them to [illegibile, crossed out] Lander. But we must only hope things may be better: — I dare say darling I led you into error about the directions where to write to me. for I did not intend going to Bolton Abbey & afterward. I did so. and then again. I did not intend going to the Nook for

[835 reverse] more than two days. & was forced by circumstances to +++ until Sunday afternoon. and now here. all is so beautiful. we are in such a dear little cottage under the hill +++ Miss Lloyd is so kind. she is entertaining us like +++ we have each of us a strong mountain pony to ride +++ the weather is so beautiful. The excursions she +++ are so lovely. everything is so calm & peaceful. & +++ "hills" are "helping" me to a larger patience. I pray much more earnestly here. Than I can do in a city noisy place. I seem so much nearer to God & his [sic] good for me than when I am more closely surrounded with people. never have I felt his aid so nescessary [sic]. never. I asked it with more +++. & I hope I am getting +++ whence help alone can come. I have never known +++ weather in Wales or in fact in any mountain country But it must come to an end. Sally left me yesterday to go to London to attend to some affairs for herself. +++ got the packing well on. On Monday 2^d— I go to town. I have some matters to attend to here which I hope may not +++ one longer than the Friday 6". Still. it is an ugly day to +++ in a journey & I may make it Saturday. rest assured my dear one. that I shall get to you as soon as I can after [?] leaving this lovely quiet. still there are some. house matters to attend to. for Bolton Row. some +++ matters for mother & one or two positive [?] duties. & then I shall be off I pray God. That when I once get to you. I may find

[836] +++ & joy. my darling will try to be as calm & soothing for me. as she can. will she not. for I am in such a very nervous & irritable state. That I hardly know how to contain myself, when I am disturbed by any exciting or irritating influences! Ah. it seems so hard that I should have been given such a better cup to drink, just at this time. when all seemed so fair for peace rest & enjoyment. But perhaps my trial has been [illegible, crossed out] sent to me in love. I was too proud. too arrogant. too happy. too blest. & I could not & did not bless, & love, & thank God enough in my happiness. oh. if he will only help me to be strong to bear my burthen of mortification & sorrow. He only can understand it or help it! I am troubled at what you tell me of dear baby's irritability. Though. God knows. The darling has had enough to make him too nervous & excitable. it would be a wonder if he was a peaceful child. with such rebellious +++ auntie & all. He can never prevent me from loving him but he may force me [to?] have to live more away from him than I ever hoped to have done. With regard to the notice of him. he lives too much with you. to help that. & until you can +++ his life a little more. Systematize it a little more he can +++ get any thing but harm. But then how can he be systematized. if there is no system in yourself my precious! About the maid. darling daughter— recommended to you by Mrs +++. I dont [sic] want you to think of her. I dont [sic] want an Italian woman

[836 reverse] in the house. I wont [sic] have one on my own account it would trouble me very much to have you have one. When I thought Sallie was going to be rendered useless to me in the future. I engaged a very admirable English girl young & willing. an admirable seamstress & strongly recommended. I had her taught +++ & she has been practising [sic] for six or seven weeks. Now that I have her engaged & Sallie is so much better as to be able to attend to all her duties which with Louisas [sic] assistance in the sewing way will give me all I want. I have had the thought to turn her over to you. if you wanted any one. & then I dont [sic] want you to engage one. Very likely this girl. would do +++ take baby after Sarah leaves you & then if you wanted a greater proficient as ladys [sic] maid. you could afford it. I am to give Fannie Britt. 14 pounds a year. & if she remains with my service. her wage is to be increased a pound a year. so that is not 30 francs a month to begin with. & her speaking English is a great thing for Sarah & Sallie. all the other servants being men. it is better not to have an Italian woman.— I am so glad you have seen [?] +++ +++. & Mrs King. I hope the latter is polite & +++ you. I have a letter from Fannie Seward Telling me she has asked Anna to write to Mrs King about the Atlantic ship to the +++. so you must make yourself very agreeable to her. +++ her my love particularly. and +++ me if she told me to get more than 2 +++ for +++ have forgotten & did not know where to address +++ I expect your uncle Charles will be very savage [?] with +++ about asking him to attend to the horses in +++ but I did not know what else to do. God ever bless you my darling. you will be a comfort to your auntie! make baby love me wont [sic] you. I kiss you & love you [?] dearly tenderly truly. & am ever your devoted Auntie +++