Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, Sep 21, 1865

Cushman recounts her travels with Miss Lloyd from Gateacre to Bolton Abbey. Miss Lloyd has convinced her to pay her a visit in Wales, which will cut her stay in London short.
She is feeling much better in regards to her health as she realized that the iron waters had been the cause for her suffering, not her hurt feelings. The iron waters caused her to lose weight and leave her in a state of mind where she "saw more than [she] had occasion to see or to think."
She finds comfort in talking about her departed sister with Mrs. Jones, who knew of her hardships.
Furthermore, Cushman discusses the transportation of her horses to Rome in detail and asks Ned to take care of matters in France.

Credit

[830] Darling. Your letter of the 17 with the enclosure from dear Ned met me here on my arrival last night. many thanks my precious one for although short it brought me intelligence of you & of my darling baby and when all is well with you. my heart is calmer & happier. You must know of my movements since my last on Monday morning at 9 oclock [sic] I took your grandmother & her maid over to the station & saw them off to London. Then we had a morning of settling up accounts. & lunching heartily. at 1 we started over to Low Harrogate to attend to some last matters of mine with the saddler. & then up to the station. we left Harrogate for Leeds. & after to Skipton. where we left big boxes. & as I had before arranged. carriages met us to drive us six miles from Skipton to Bolton Budge where we supped and slept. & the next day Tuesday. a gorgeous day. we took a carriage & drove to the shed to Barden Towns [sic] & then back to Bolton Abbey. which we enjoyed very much. Miss Lloyd was of the party which made it agreeable for me. The air was delicious. & I feel so very much better lighter & happier. That I was comforted beyond every thing. to H be able to think that my suffering of the last three weeks especially. was perhaps to be attributed as much to the Iron waters which I had been taking. as to the mortified pride & wounded vanity & hurt affection

[830 reverse] to which I had attributed all my bad feelings of late. I find myself ridiculously hysterical. & I am now hoping & believing. by my feeling so much better without the cause for having changed — or the condition of things having ameliorated. That it has been. more physical than moral. The first week was at Harrogate. I took +++ waters & at the end found I had lost a pound of flesh. & felt so very low & weak. that +++ sent me to change the water & take the chalybeate. which has so much Iron. so I went on. until the 7th when Miss Rodick & Miss Jones & Miss Wilson came. from then up to the time of leaving I was feeling dreadfully. at times almost out of my mind. & yet I never attributed it to the waters at all. Now I believe that they excited my brain too much & that under the circumstances I saw more than I had occasion to see or to think. I am so much as of myself darling. that I should have betrayed to you so much of the miserable state I was in. but you will forgive me & be happier. now that you know I am better. for I am much much better. & I hope to be able to enjoy my visit here with Mrs Jones who was so fond of my poor dear sister. & who knew so many of her trials. poor dear. it is a comfort to me to talk to anybody about her. who knew and cared for her! — The low nervous state I was in induced me to listen to the proposition of Miss Lloyd that I should go & pay her a little visit of a week among the Welsh Hills. I know my own precious darling would want me to do it if she felt that it would do me good. & she is such a good true warm hearted woman. & is fond

[831] of your auntie. so that I shall get a little better & stronger before starting on my journey. I had purposed staying ten days in London. Now I shall only stop four. & hope to be with you by the 4" or 5" at latest. you will have got my letter of the 17' & I shall perhaps hear from you tonight. I note what Ned says in his note about the prices of +++ [last two words inserted] &^c &^c. but I want him now to learn positively from the bureau of the +++ Imperialy [sic]. whether they refuse to take horses during the Quarantine. for I do not think it would be safe to take them any other way than by that. And Saunt [?] wants me to take the mare away by the 28" — & then on the 29". she would go to Boulogne. on the 30th to Paris. But if Ned writes me immediately on the receipt of this. I would have the man & the mare go down on the 27" — instead of the 28" — Then bringing them to Marseilles to embark in the steamer of the 2^d Oc^t. for Civita Vecchia. However every thing depends on the reply I get from the Messagerie. He can ask them how the French army of occupation get horses taken now & whether the steamers go from Marseilles +++ at +++ first. do not perform Quarantine at the latter place. If so. Then I would continue to have Guiseppe come up to meet them at Lighone [?]
In fact send me all the information you can. If they cant [sic] go that way — Then they will have to go to +++ to [illegible, crossed out] Jean +++. & walk our Mont Curis taking rail to Bologna & Lighone [?] & +++ — walking thence to Civita Vecchia & so via rail to Rome. In that case. Ned would have to have you to come with me over Monte Curis. & he would be obliged to go with

[831 reverse] the man & the mare himself. You would not mind waiting a day or two for me. I want you in [?] Paris with me. & then in our travelling [sic] together to you would be a help to me & I should be a protection [?] to you & Ned would get to Rome sooner — I have [a?] letter from Rome. your boxes some of them had +++ & Grant hoped to get them through the custom without opening or sending to you for the keys. my horses had all been ill. with the +++ of which poor pony died. but were getting better Rome perfectly healthy. no cholera. & not +++ but I shall be glad for you not to get there before me. & as Ned has no occasion to stop in Florence & you & I would like to do so. we can then accommodate matters very well. It would give the horses [?] a more fatiguing journey. but perhaps. as Ned will be with them (Saunts [sic] pony goes as well) it will be even safer & as little expensive as the charge the steamers make — +++ him here would +++ them as a great favour. but at a cost of 40 pounds [?] Each. I providing a box. at a cost of 12 pounds & all the +++! & mans [sic] passage 12 pound By the messagarie way. I can send them for +++ pounds Each to Marseilles. & ^£ 5 to Civita Vecchia & +++ if we cant [sic] send them that way. They must go +++ Mont Curis. for I wont [sic] send horses through +++ of Bucay a 16 days passage to Lighone [?] at a cost of ^£50 each. — send me a word my blessing. +++ Tell me what I ask. time is so important first +++ I kiss you & love you my darling. to the depth of my heart. dont [sic] mistake what I am suffering now. my love for & determination to hold any other. does not the slightest +++ touch my love & devotion for & to you
I love you the +++ & +++ of my being.

[832] Kiss my darling darling baby for me
I love him to sickness at times & want you both more than longing can tell. but I find myself feeling so poorly & the News I get of the heat being so great in Paris & on the continent generally — makes me dread any exposure — until I can feel a little stronger for my journey & my winter in Rome. find this excuse for me dear one & arrange to do as I have proposed about the Journey & Neds [sic] going with the horses. Then we shall not be so hurried & I shall have time to get stronger on the way. God ever bless you my dearest & best & truest of darling. I am ever & ever fondly devoted! Your loving
Auntie Ladie