Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, May 3, 1860
This letter is particularly hard to read since it was written in pencil.
Cushman will meet Emma in a hotel in Paris. She goes over detailed travel arrangements.
Cushman and Emma Crow hope for a future that allows them to be together as much as possible:
"I dont [sic] know what I shall do if I am disappointed with regard to the position which I hope you may be allowed to hold towards me. I look forward with great anxiety to the time when some decision can be arrived at on the point. & yet I fear all sorts of opposition." Cushman warns Crow "not demonstrate too clearly our great devotion to each other. We only excite observation & envy & jealousy & this is best avoided."
Mary Eliza's health is deteriorating and she is grieving Susan's death.
Library of Congress, Charlotte Cushman Papers, Manuscript Division, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.
Letter Item Type Metadata
Your letter from +++ & [rest of the line illegible] [line illegible] [words illegible]. but I [words illegible] already sent a letter to +++ to wait for you [words illegible] better wait & send a letter to Cologne. which I would see +++ +++ Paris. so that you would get it just as soon if he sent the letter on the 28". & it [rest of the line illegible] write[?] all the way through by Genoa & Florence. He was the +++ of +++ on a +++ excursion to Porta D'angio. & was quite hurried so I begged him not to write promising that I would do so this week & that we should get back in time to send you a letter to +++ I am so happy darling that you have made your arrangements to meet us in Paris. I hope very much that you have +++ my altered place for your +++ & will be enabled without difficulty to stretch out your time a little further. so as to arrive in Paris on the afternoon of the 19th. I have sent to a friend of mine in Paris to take rooms for us at the Hotel Bedford +++ the Madelaine. Rue de l'Arcade 17. so that we can be near our little of woman of Buckwheat +++ memory.It is a very nice Hotel kept by an English woman. I stand there some years ago & was exceedingly comfortable. If he cannot find rooms there he will +++ elsewhere & leave a note for us at the Bedford to say when we are to go. That is all arranged. so if by any bad accident you should arrive there before us you will drive to the Bedford &
if there is no accomodation ask for a note addressed to Miss Crow as I have +++ the apartment taken in your name [last two lines illegible]
[147 reverse] [words illegible] on Sunday 3". hoping to arrive in Marseilles on the afternoon of the 14" & reach Paris on the afternoon of the 15th. Still as the weather continues so very bad here—the winds still continuing so strong & so very variable. I may be driven to remain over a day or two for the steamer of the 16" which should bring me in Paris on the 18th. so that if you attempt o carry out my place sent lately.
you we will still be in Paris before you. I shall try to be in Paris on the 15" & if I do. will send you a letter which should reach you at Brussels your return there on the evening of the 18 [17?]. God bless you my darling one. for wanting me. I want you just as much I long to see you & hold you to my heart again. for you are dear. dear. dear to me. as my own hearts [sic] blood. I dont [sic] know what I shall do if I am disappointed with regard to the position which I hope you may be allowed to hold towards me. I look forward with great anxiety to the time when some decision can be arrived at on the point. & yet I fear all sorts of opposition But I know my darling has a strong will & she can accomplish what she wills [sic]—as we have +++ sweet one. I have had such sad letters from home in England. My poor mother is so poorly & they write me is so broken. That they do not believe she will last through another winter. The poor dear soul lost her all in my darling sister & weeps & grieves unceasingly. I feel so very uncertain in my movements when I hear this. & doubt whether I ought to go to America. at all events until I can take her with me. Dr Muspratt is to be married again in early September. my mother must remain where she is. until he does marry. & then I must remove her. I want her to come to America. but they think she is too +++ but of health to bear the [last two lines illegible]
 but we will talk of all [rest of the line illegible] I ought not to write to you of [rest of the line illegible] heart & thought just now & you come in for +++ +++ of the +++. do you forgive me? +++ +++ +++ +++ that any thing you can say +++ will shock me. your +++ for me is most precious +++ all you say. all you think is equally +++. write to me +++ as you will. write freely. for I am very careful of my letters. & have them always about with me. +++ I keep.—yet darling there are people in the world who could understand our love for each other. therefore it is nescessary [sic] that we should keep all expression of it to ourselves. & not demonstrate too clearly our great devotion to each other. We only excite observation & envy & jealousy & this is best avoided. I love you as you love me. & will seek every opportunity of being with you—when I do not seem to you to do so. You must believe it is for some good & wise purpose & trust to my older years judgment! Yet[?] darling you can be all to me any human being can & is—& you shall be. my +++ my joy my comfort my rest my hope, my all! but pazienzia. we must want the consent of others meanwhile the way is hard—we will be together as much as we can. & trust to time & one good +++ to accomplish our wishes. Ned has not yet come home from his shooting excursion +++ will write to you as soon as he does. for he lives & breathes only in & through you. He has gone shooting not birds but to kill time—which hangs heavy on his hands until he can see you. +++ left a week ago. +++ +++ every body is gone but us. & we +++ +++ +++ God love you my darling. Give my kindest love to Miss Whitwell, who is happier with you both away +++ any other influence. & Mary—tell the latter [last two lines illegible]