Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, Sep 15, 1860

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[190] Darling. Ah your earnest request & Neds [sic] urgent entreats [?] I suffered him to go off to Lenox yesterday & was not able to write you a line. will you have thought me very unkind? I could not help it & am just dragged into ribbons [?] here in Boston. Darling. I want you to write to me very frankly on someday what has passed. You know dear how little I have given this matter consideration. because I felt that no one had any right to interfere until you had carried

[190 reverse] but your own wishes of telling your father first yourself of your feelings & intentions. provided they meet his judgment & consent: I know that time must elapse before either of you can hope to accomplish your wishes. I know it is nescessary [sic] for Ned to have this incentive to exertion. but if once his mind is settled that your father will not ultimately refuse his consent if all goes well. & I believe he will become a different creature. As it is. if he were left[?] in this doubt[?]. though he +++ +++ in the very best [?] situations in the world. I dont [sic] believe he could give his thoughts to me since he has been in [?] the +++. he has been placed in a very trying +++ down in New Port. he was occupied

[191] with but one idea. That of making your father & mother like him. I think he did so but it was a time of [last two words inserted] great anxiety for him & he was so occupied with that & the thought of you that he was good for nothing since you have been home. he has been good for nothing. so nervous & anxious & indeed darling - I am fearful of his getting some repulse from your father. I dont [sic] know what it would do to him for his whole soul seems bent on the one thought of his love for you & his hope of one day making you nearer to him. I am a little fearful that your father may be in New York & that Ned may have to wait until Sunday to see him. These fears & doubts of mine I have not in any way imparted to Ned. for I dont [sic] let him speak to me on the subject. will you not send me a line on 

[191 reverse] Sunday. That I may get it before I start on Tuesday morning. ah, sweet heart. I want to see you very very much! Miss Whitwell came yesterday. we are to tea with her this evening. Dont [sic] do any thing about rooms for us. Miss Stebbins [sic] friend Mrs +++ has arranged it & I think it better to be in another place. for many reasons. so dont [sic] be fretted or displeased. Oh I do so wish you had come to Boston. Miss Whitwell said your father half promised & her mother & family are so disappointed - & so am I - for it would have suited me so much better. Oh dear how awkwardly all things fall out which one does not controul [sic]. God ever bless you my darling
ever & ever I am your +++ loving
Ladie