Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow, Jan 22, 1859
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Library of Congress, Charlotte Cushman Papers, Manuscript Division, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.Creator
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[106] I am thoroughly ashamed, my darling. to have to come to you again with an apology for a letter. but I must not, I cannot, suffer the post to go away today, without one word of loving remembrance to my own dear little lover — who cares so much for her wandering friend & give her such dear proof of her affectionate remembrance. I have been so dreadfully busy. ever since I came. to Rome with trying to get into my house. that my head has been in a complete whirl of worry and annoyance. I have not been in a state to write to any one, much less one to whom I wish to write so well, so thoughtfully. so lovingly I fondly thought. that once in my house. I should be able to be more the mistress of my time. & that I should write more clearly and fully to you. But man (& woman) propose & house occupations & — indisposes! for since I came into the house on Jany 8" to this +++ time of writing when I have shut the door +++ the last workman. I have not
[106 reverse] had one single moment to call my own. I have been "torn by conflictings" until my brain has given evident symptoms of softening & I can hardly remember from one moment to another what I have to do or say. The difficulties have been much increased by my not understanding the language well & my struggles to give directions. have mixed up tenses in such an extraordinary way that I dont [sic] wonder at the wilderness or mistakes that have been made & corrected. corrected & altered. until at times I have been ready to scream like any other woman, from pure vexation. Then again I have reflected that screaming would not help the matter — & then in extremes I have laughed. which Hattie has contrived to do all the time. Truly never was woman so tried never did woman bear trial less well. Mrs Kemble wrote her "year of consolation". I am going to write my "three months of trial!" But after an expenditure which would make most men[?] stare & would have thrown Dr Hosmer into horizontals beyond +++
[107] -tion and an exhausted exchange of patience I have achieved a very very lovely apartment which excites the +++ of Italians & the great pleasure of the English & the pride of my own country people (I am glad to say) — who seem to find satisfaction in my spending my means in an artistic way. I looked at my rooms the other evening full of the best people from home, & thought my pride & satisfaction were pardonable. & that "through much tribulation. we come to the Kingdom of Cushman" might be my name henceforth. Hattie has been very very poorly with swelled +++ & boils & not able to get here until yesterday He rooms are ready. & as much furniture as she has been able to afford as yet. a bed & looking glass bedstead & carpet. I presented her with two tables & her bed room +++. chairs sofa & a +++ etc. etc she will get +++. it has cost her one hundred dollars to repair & paper & paint her room. & it has cost me — eight or ten times as much so you form some idea of how very expensive every thing has been so far. & how much trial I have had in spending
[107 reverse] it. How delighted your father will be to see[?] +++ so comfortable & likely to be so well taken of. She said yesterday at dinner & this morning[?] at breakfast. "oh. I have not tasted any thing[?] so good in an age". I do really think she has[?] not had proper good & that is one reason[?] why her blood is so poor & thin. & she is +++hable to these dreadful boils. I shall see she is properly attended to & better taken care[?] of than she has ever been here. I think she[?] will be dreadfully disappointed if any thing[?] should occur to prevent your fathers coming[?] but in the spring — & for me. what should +++ darling if your sister comes out with Leclere. you must come with her & pass winter with Hattie & me. we will take good care of you & your morals. & you can stop +++ me in London until we come back to Italy[?] I purpose leaving England the first of Sep & going through Germany around to Venice from +++ taking steamer by the Adria to Ancona. there taking carriage on to Rome[?] so coming a new way. Hattie I hope will +++ us some where on the way. this would be +++ pleasant for you, would it not? Perhaps [rest of the letter is missing]
