Transcript of Letter from Emma Stebbins to Sidney Lanier, June 27, [1876]

Stebbins admits that she the book project of Cushman's biography affected her health. She describes it as "labour of love" which is physically exhausting.
Transcripts by Jennie Lorenz

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[page 1] My Dear Friend 
I am very glad to get a word from you – the silence all +++ the epistolary compass on the subject of our book - was growing awful, and you will think me pusillanimous [Lorenz unsure here] when I say - I was rather relieved by it – for I have been so utterly miserable that the very thought of responsibility of any kind, has been too much for me – a few spasmodic efforts I made to look over some of the letters resulted in sleepless nights — and such confusion of head, & pain of heart, that I have been obliged to give it all up until I can feel bettr [sic] – I have been really in an utterly unfit state for any work, and although I hope I am getting slowly bettr [sic] now — I am still compelled[?] to be very cautious +++ indulge myself in any too close application. The trouble is  nervous exhaustion which affects the stomach/and the digestion badly - and through that the head.  For your sake dear I grieve that this should be so — I do long so earnestly to be equal to my responsibilities, and  above all to this labour of love which I only can suitably inaugurate – my constant prayer is that strength may be given me long enough for this work, and to  see my boys [Lorenz unsure here] fairly on their way to be made into  capable worthy men– and then I am more than ready to go.  As for Osgood I think he has behaved not only unaccountably but shabbily – there was no understanding that I  should let him know when I got to Lenox – he knew all  my dates & movements perfectly well — that was only  an excuse – besides — he has to let me hear from  him before I left N.Y./ in a day or two he said, I am  afraid they are playig fast & loose for some reason  or othr – but why if they do not wish to take the venture 

they cannot say no like men – I am at a loss to con.  recture. I shall be sorry to have you take the expense of  going to Boston, when correspondence is so easy - it is  only saying yes or no – but you must be the best judge.  Ned has broken our agreemeet in sending Mr. Carr  to Osgood – it was to be kept for the present strictly  between ourselves and I especially did not want  any intermeddling of outsiders – but Ned is very  rash and impetuous and we never can hold the  thread of anything wherein he is concerned. I suppose  I ought to have written again to Osgood myself — but  I have/ been so unwell, at and it really depended  so entirely on him to make his decision & inform  us that I wanted – If he will not take it - I shall  be inclined not to push the mattr any further for  the present — I am so unable to write & our materials  are so slow in coming forward – no furthr word from  England – Mr. Cushman was ill at last accounts Mrs. C. is totally unfit to go over her letters  Will you present me kindly to your [wife,] I hope  hr trip north may restore her – Let me hear from  you oftens.[?, sic]
Yours ever faithfully  ES. 
I am expectig the [Bago] about the 12 of July  [Envelope]  
Sidney Lanier Esq. 
care of R. M. +++ Clellan Esg.  West Chestr,  (Penn.)